my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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