Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
