i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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