I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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