i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
