We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
