Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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