Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
