I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
