Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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