so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
