official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
