look no pants
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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