He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
