I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
