Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
