I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
