I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
