just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
