Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
