Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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