Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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