Redeem this text for a blowjob
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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