I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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