Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
