Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
