sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
