my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
