Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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