Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
