My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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