I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
