guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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