I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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