i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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