when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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