The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
