So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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