Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
