the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
