i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
