i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize