Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
