I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
