Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
