I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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