3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
