I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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