is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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