okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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