I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
