I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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