Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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