guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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