The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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