Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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