Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
