Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
