cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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