It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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