I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
