So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
