i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
