hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
