David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
