Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
