gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
