They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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