My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
then he tried to convert me to islam
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
