I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
