I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
