They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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