so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
