So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
