How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
