i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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