New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
