how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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